life is relationships
What else is life, if not relationships? Life is relationships. Could you conceive of yourself without any relationship whatsoever? You arise in relationship with your father, mother, brother, child, husband, education, nation, gender, home. You will be playing different roles. If you remove all these relationships, where are you? Think about it and find out if you exist or not.
You are relationships! Without relationships, life does not exist. This is true at all levels from microcosm to macrocosm. If all atoms in the universe (or molecules in the universe, which are in the stable forms) remain as individual ones, then there is no interaction and no creation at all. Unless these molecules participate in inter-molecule (like covalent bonds) and intramolecular bonds, there won’t be any physical or chemical changes. In this process of creation, these atoms, molecules continuously re-arrange, establish bonds and so on. Everything is a process, universe is a process.
Hence if everything would have been neutral particles and there were no relationships existing or these particles were unable to attract electrons to form atoms, chemistry would have been non-existent. Further due to the nonexistence of chemistry; geology would have been non-existent. Due to nonexistence of geography, biology and zoology would have been non-existent.
This is what our elementary chemistry books tell us. Similarly, at human being level we do not exist alone or separately for ever as an individual human being. We do participate in the process of connecting, establishing relationships and engaging in life.
Relationship and Quantum Entanglement
Quantum physics has revealed to the modern world that all subatomic particles are waves of Quanta or light, which spread themselves throughout the universe without beginning and without end. It also reveals another aspect we call as a Quantum Entanglement: When two particles are interacting with each other they become what is called entangled, developing a special connected relationship with one another. Now one of these particles is affected by measurement or by observation, other particles will reflect exactly the same as the first one and instantaneously no matter how far apart they are across the room or across the universe. In fact entangled particles seem to behave like ONE object rather than two or many separate objects that they appear to be. No matter where they are positioned in space and time, these two particles remain forever interconnected. If we go back to the singularity before the big bang in which our entire universe was condensed into particles
smaller than peanuts, we realize that all matter and energy that we experience right now has and always will be entangled or interconnected.
In a relationship, there is no space and time. When two new strangers meet, what happens in the first interaction? What kind of communications takes place, where (on which platform), these interactions are stored? It is still completely unknown to us what technologies that nature uses in identity and storage and retrieval etc, may be all this is stored in Akashic records which are stored in collective unconscious. In the universe, physical distance does matter and follows space – time equations. Whereas relationships are beyond space and time, distance does not matter, two known people can be at different poles but still one can remember and get the relationship memories instantly, faster than light speed. Since all the transactions between any relations are in the collective unconscious mind and it is omnipresent and it might be using Quantum Entanglement technologies to retrieve the data. Hence in relationships, whether you are connected or not is important. When that relationship is remembered, memories related to that relationship come in no time and they are connected, like quantum entanglement.
You are just a one string in the Web
You are not alone, you are just one string in a web. Life is eternal, all are ever present. Your individual life is a note in the song of cosmic life.
All relationships revolve around the relationship that you have with your parents whether they are alive or not. In other words, relationships with parents reflect all other relationships. Next one is the relationship with your spouse and children.
- Children who have a healthy relationship with their parents are more likely to develop positive relationships with other people around them. They can establish secure bonds and friendships with peers.
- They are better at regulating their emotions when faced with stress
and difficult situations.
- A secure attachment with parents helps promote a child’s cognitive,
emotional and social development. It also helps kid’s exhibit positive social behaviours.
- The healthy involvement of parents in their children’s day to day life
helps ensure that their kids can perform better socially and academically.
- Children who have a secure and positive relationship with their parents learn essential skills and values that set them on the path for future success.
As you start relating to your parents with greater love and concern, strangely you would find that they would start relating between themselves in a better way. So children could bring about a better relationship among parents by improving their own relationship to the parents. Please do not condemn them or judge them. You should not try to advice, argue or dictate to them – if you experience your mother or father dominating you, without resisting it, it would give you great joy, that itself would transform your parents, in the course of time you would see your own parents coming together. If you would love them and respect them, you would find things automatically working out for you.
We come down as a group of souls over a lifetime to learn our lessons and complete our in- complete experiences or missions. You choose to criss- cross each other during your stint of journey on earth plane for your mutual evolution. Our relationships are both horizontal and vertical and it is not just two dimensional horizontal or vertical rather it is like a web. Our relationships are not just limited to this life alone. It is also associated with many previous lives of ours that we have been taking through the birth and death process and associated with many ancestors. As you notice on the right side of the fig, represents three lives male twice and female once and during each of these life spans, you will have your own relationships. At the same time each of this life you could have different parents and ancestors. If you consider your all lives and all ancestors it will be a really big Web of connections.
Generally, we do not notice the contribution and importance of ancestors. We think our ancestors are dead and materialistically it is over, but they carry charges (their souls) and you carry charges about them. Due to this, they may be stuck in any one of lower realms or other worlds and suffer. If they are suffering, they may spread their suffering and curse us. If we can clear those charges and pray for their Moksha to the Divine that is the greatest service that we can do to our ancestors. Ask them to forgive you. Also forgive them. Pray for liberation of their karma. Express gratitude for giving life, for giving their wealth, giving their relationships. Express gratitude for giving their positive qualities through DNA, leadership, administration, king, monk, mystic, warrior, wisdom traits, spiritual connect and so on. They have given everything physical, through their
DNA, through charges/programs, everything is passed on to you. They have paved the way for you, they are the reason that you are here. They have done all the hard work to give you this opportunity. It is not only DNA from the parents but DNA of Mitochondria which supplies energy to cells comes from mother only and to her from her mother and so on that continues from maternal ancestors. Thus, you are indebted to your ancestors. You owe your life and existence to them. Your material and emotional wellbeing is irrevocably connected to wellbeing of departed ancestors. Just as every human being is indebted to mother earth that bears him, trees that shelters him, life that supports him, you too are indebted to your ancestors. Since it is their blood that flows through your veins, their thoughts that flows through our consciousness.
Can you please build your family tree of your ancestors and try to find out where they are now and if possible their photos and meet them in person?
Life is relationships, all human beings are connected, neurons are connected in the brain, computers are connected, web sites are connected, devices will be connected – IOT. If a human being is like a gadget/machine, since self is an illusion. Then what is the difference between the Internet, IOT and humanity – connection? Universe is a holographic, the challenge even today that quantum physicists have is related to measurement. An atom only appears at a particular place if you measure, in other words, the atom is spread out all over the place until the conscious observer decides to look at it. So the act of measurement or observation creates the entire universe. Any time we look at a particle beyond a certain level, the act of observation changes. In addition, the more we look at individual particles, the more we realize that there is no such thing as an electron or any elementary particle. Electrons or any elementary particle exists in relation to other things like other particles or the universe at large. It means, we deep dive into the nature of matter, and in this process, the world dissolves, there are no objects any more, there are only relationships. One is existing due to another .Everything is interconnected, individuality is an illusion, self is an illusion which is coming from mind.
Relationships are assets and life reflect your relationships
You as a person cannot be alright, if your relationships are not alright. You give trouble to everybody else. An unhappy person spreads unhappiness, troubles others, creates mischief, and creates problems for others. A happy person spreads happiness and to be happy, your relationships must be alright. If your relationships are alright, your heart is alright. If your heart is alright your brain is alright. If your brain is alright, your immune system is alright. If your immune system is alright, you can also get a grace. That is why relationships are important.
You need to know and leverage the importance of relationships and the way they have to be used. In the external world you use a mirror, when you want to see your physical body, you go to the mirror and see the reflection of your face or body. Let us say in the mirror if some wrinkle or dot is appearing, do you really hit the mirror or scold the mirror. It is just showing what is there on your face. Instead, you start applying some creams and so on. In fact, you prefer to go to the best mirror which shows the true reality of your body. Relationships are like an asset and they are there for your growth and unlearning and to see the charges in your individual unconscious mind. Relationships are like mirrors to your inside world. When there is a set of mirrors with a poor, average and highest quality when you are looking at our face, which one do you appreciate? A high quality mirror is showing what is there on face very clearly and pointing out, so that you can take care of that wrinkle or pimple or spots etc. Similarly, tough relationships are those to see yourself inwardly and show who you are. These relationships give us a chance to correct our inner world. While they are doing such a great job, we scold them and hurt them, instead of expressing gratitude to them for showing what you are inside.
Every relationship is a mirror. These relationships (mirrors) are showing the charges or programs that are inside of you or your inner world. Whenever you are experiencing good or bad with your relationships, please try to experience what is going on and turn towards inside rather than blaming the other. Just like what you are doing in the external world in the case mirror. That event with that relationship has shown what is there inside of you. Acknowledge, accept and experience that pain or suffering whatever it is, that is the remedy to reduce the power of that charge. It is not something wrong with the other, it is always pointing towards your inner world. Relationships are doing their duty, helping us. Just thank them, nothing else. Once these charges or programs are gone- these relationships will also end, thank them, treat them as assets as long as they are there. Everything in this universe is perfect and the same with relationships. If we respect the relationship and see it as helping you and maintain a proper distance not like dominating or possessing, each relationship shows who you are and that is what makes us learn what charges are there inside of us. This leads to growth internally. Unfortunately, we treat relationships with attachments like pieces of furniture and crave for love. Everything must be at its place and we must maintain that distance, relationship and respect with each other in the universe, otherwise we experience suffering. Know that the world ‘out there’ reflects your reality of ‘inner world.’ The people you react to most strongly, whether with love or hate, are the projections of your inner world. What you most hate is what you most deny in yourself. What you most love is what you most wish for in yourself.
Relationships crisis
If we look seriously into our relationships today, every relationship has become selfish. In family, business, society, and politics or between countries, in every relationship – what is in it for me plays a dominant role. It is some kind of business, if I give this to you, what is that you are going to give me. Since I favoured you, can you favour me this time? With accelerated change in the modern world, which is the characteristic of modern civilization is having a major impact on human relationships, families are breaking apart. The worst hit is the children and youth. What can they do to help their parents? World over there is apprehension of the growing violence and ever-increasing wars. The reasons have always been political, religious and likewise. What would we as individuals do to stop these calamities? Why do wars and calamities happen, they happen because human beings are violent. We are not talking of individual human beings, we are talking about humanity. What is the amount of violence each of you has. Each one of you is a divided house, there is conflict in you, there is violence in you, and there is hatred in you. It is this that erupts as wars, communal conflict, drought, flood or any kind of calamity. You could even destroy the earth if you wanted to from your violence. The external world merely reflects your inner world. That is why you need to improve your relationships. If there is love and peace within you, very naturally the environment would also change. The atrocities you come across would cease to exist. If people change, the world would change. Otherwise you would destroy yourselves. It is your conflict that is erupting, through a terrorist or tyrant. Just like water flowing through a weak pipe, would burst out somewhere – so as the collective violence of humanity would emerge through an individual or a group. There is only one mind and each of you is a part and parcel of that one mind, do not blame someone else, you are responsible, if you would discover this, the world would certainly be a better place.
“The growing inability to live as a family, to feel for each other and to connect to each other is a world-wide crisis. It is a relationship crisis. The crisis of our present-day civilization is not so much biological as it is psychological. Our sense of separation having become too strong, life has become a battle for significance and a struggle for identity. The struggle to be a ‘somebody’, even at the expense of others and at the cost of hurting others is a very unhealthy sign. People destroy themselves emotionally, spiritually and physically. It is a disease and is most reflected in families today. Unless the family is held intact, individuals would go to pieces. They would miss a mother’s care, a father’s attention and a partner’s love. Loneliness and loss of identity would eat into them. To escape from loneliness and the fear of being a nobody, people would pursue destructive paths. This would ultimately lead to the break-up of the individual and the fragmentation of society and civilization itself. Though the world is heading in this direction; all is not lost. There is an immense possibility for humanity to awaken into a new state of consciousness. There is a beautiful window opened up for humanity to make a giant leap in consciousness; that is-Awakening. When you are awakened you automatically start experiencing everything around you including your relationships. You feel a greater sense of connection to all people and all things. Emotional hurts are hard to sustain because awareness keeps. Consciousness emptying, ready for a fresh experience. Life this way is so ordinary that it is extraordinary.
Why pain exists in relationships and how to set right the relationships
We do not know how to leverage these relationships for our growth and evolution, and often we end up with a lot of pain in these relationships. One of the reasons for pain in relationships is the fixated frameworks. Ideal relationships ought to be non-existent. These ideals are provided to us by religion, stories, myths and society by and large. Ideal is always an ideal, it is not real. When we try to impose the ideal on actual, we see imperfection, which leads to discontent and strife. The other thing in relationships is we build up images. Suppose you get married, start building up images about your spouse, do not forget that your spouse also at the same time making an image about you. It can happen between any two people. There after the images start relating and you stop experiencing the person. To be clear once you are married, he becomes a husband and she becomes a wife. There is always conditioning on how a wife should behave and how the husband should behave. Wife expects her husband to take hold of responsibilities of the family, to be loving and emotionally strong. Wife on the other hand is expected to be a caretaker, be patient with enormous ability to bear with pain, understanding and subservient to her husband. He wears the mask of a husband and relates to the mask of his wife. Real people are withdrawn. We start relating to our spouses from this framework. Before marriage, these frameworks are different and after marriage, we see through these different frameworks or conditioning and entirely different sets of expectations come into play. These conditions only start ruling our lives.
Conflict free relationship or perfect relationship doesn’t exist in reality. Life is a dynamic force; it offers each one of us a wide range of experiences. To look out for an ideal situation, where you never argue, quarrel or get angry or express love or affection all the time is only in one’s imagination. On the contrary, peaceful relationships are epitomized with a state of being where you just allow the other person to be himself or herself. This is possible only when you realize that it is futile in trying to understand each other. Your perceptions, ideas might look very real to you but to expect that your partner must adopt the same framework creates the problem Each of you is unique in your approaches hence expecting your spouse to have the same view is not intelligence. As you awaken to this truth you begin to experience your spouse which gives rise to joy. For example, as your wife is angry with you, if you could really connect with her and experience her anger like how you enjoy your morning walk or cup of coffee that would be the most fulfilling in your marital life. This exercise would certainly put you at ease, since you are not trying to complain or reject. This is the ultimate solution for healthy marital life. Trying to understand and finding fault would never help. It is like peeling an onion, you could keep on peeling and arrive nowhere. If you were to read psychology or philosophy to try to explain and understand the other, there is no hope for you. You judge because you do not feel connected to the other. If only you would have learnt the art of experiencing the other, whether your spouse, parent or child – you would be in joy.
Our relationship can be affected by any of the following: One is the ‘vasana’ coming from past lives, the other is the ‘four baskets,’ what happened in the womb, and then the third is the Fundamental Childhood Decisions (FCDs). And the fourth is conditioning. Conditioning as a person, which you get as a person in terms of your nationality, religion, caste, language you speak and your profession and the beliefs that have been put into you by your parents, by your school, by society. It is important to understand that in a family both wife and husband are individual beings, they may not agree on all points with each other. In fact, mostly what happens is that whatever the husband likes, the wife dislikes; whatever the wife likes, the husband dislikes and vice versa. It is a universal fact. Why do they not like each other at times while they live together? There is some reason in it. Deep down they hate each other, for the simple reason that they are dependent on each other for gaining happiness, and nobody likes dependence. Slavery is not the intrinsic desire of human beings. If a woman or a man gives you joy, and you become dependent, you develop hatred for that person at the same time, because of the dependence. So all so-called love relationships are very strange, complicated phenomena. It is basically a love-hate relationship. The hate needs to be expressed some way or other. That’s why whatever your wife likes, you don’t like; whatever your husband likes, you don’t like. On every small thing husbands and wives are fighting. Which movie to go to might be a simple question, yet can be a reason for an immense fight. A fight may happen on a simple question of which restaurant to go to.
What should we do to have a harmonious relationship within the family? Let us say if two people are fighting and suddenly your spouse is upset, what happened, why he or she is upset, because the other is triggered by some word or by gesture or some reference triggered her program or charge which is there in her individual unconsciousness which makes her angry. This way each one is triggering the other whether positively or negatively. Employees trigger employees, student triggers teacher, father triggers son, one friend to other and one relative to other vice versa all the time we are getting triggered and we are triggering, this goes on all the time in our lives. Now the secret is, If we can trigger and get triggered positively, the programs will change very fast. But is this possible when we are at a lower consciousness state? In this state, our self-ego always tries to play a negative role, but if we can pause and get triggered positively and speak nice things to your wife, children, relatives, friends, good things not negative things slowly your negative program starts changing. You must listen to good things, you must speak good things, and you must see good things. Say, how nice you are, how good you are. When you say these, programs will be changing, not only others programs, as we speak your program also changes. Both stand to gain and more than that you are signalling the collective unconsciousness which is responding to you. Unfortunately, today most of humanity influences negative programs and this is what is leading to violence in homes, in societies, countries and so on and we are not cooperating with Nature. Many of us are in destructive emotions with others and Nature will account for that, in turn we will be destroyed. Therefore, learn to speak proper, good things first. Start with yourself first, when did you speak to yourself good things about you? Say some good things about yourself, there are many good things in each one of you and keep saying to you and others. You will get it back.
In summary, to have a good relationship, it starts with you, and not with the others. See who you are, accept yourself as you are and love yourself as you are. When this happens very naturally the other person would see you as you are, would accept you as you are, would love you as you are. Technically all relationships reflect your relationship with parents, so you reflect exactly what has happened between you and your parents’ relationships you have with family and friends and at place of work and so on all that depends on the relationship with parents. Once a relationship with parents is set right everything falls into place, and life is relationships, so life also reflects relationships.
To some extent we can set these things right and the relationship can definitely improve. But still it would never be what it should be. That could happen only when you as person or self is gone. In your relationship with a husband and a wife, you always think you must exist as a person that must go. When that happens, you will realize the ultimate relationship is developed between you two. You will realize the complete joy of a relationship, between a father and a son, a husband and a wife and so on. So whatever relationship it is, as long as you are there as a person, there will always be conflict. Hence work towards your awakening and enlightenment to live the life of relationships.